He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
