Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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