Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
