I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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