Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
