i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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