i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
