i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
