The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
