We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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