I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
