I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
