hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
