OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
