so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
