If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
