Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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