so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
