Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
