We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
