I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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