I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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