My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
