I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
