I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
