playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
