i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
