if you like me you must not know who I am
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
