My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
