The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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