Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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