I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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