i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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