I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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