Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
