next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
