He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
