a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
