im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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