So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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