she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
