I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
