Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
