You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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