It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize