i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
