I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
