Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize