I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
