did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
