My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
