You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
