I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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