i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
