It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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