every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My pussy is not your playground.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
