so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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