Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
