I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just pynch a tree in the face
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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