shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
