How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
