My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize