So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
