last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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