She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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