And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
