do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
