Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
