Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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