how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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