hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
