connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
