just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
