peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
