does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shame - the story of my life.
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