I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
