Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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