You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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