Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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