YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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