i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
