Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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