Having a random hookup so left but love u
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The uberlube is also flammable
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
