Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
